thoughts of a musing pedant

Merry Christmas Eve Eve!

2010-12-23T14:29:00.000-08:00

I sit down to write this with no idea what I am going to write about.

Today is Christmas Eve Eve. I am about to hop into bed and soon it will be Christmas Eve.

I popped into school today for my only visit of the Christmas holiday (hurrah, well done me). I say 'popped' in; I went in by bus so it was 2.5 hours door to door each way! A fully charged ipod kept me entertained, either by music or by playing Monopoly against Mr CPU again. (See one of my previous posts).

I put up two new displays in my classroom today. Here they are:

One of the reasons for my lack of blogging this term has been increased involvement with the 'Learning Platform', an online communication world where I can discuss class topics with my class. Great fun.

Once again, I vow that 2011 will be the year I fully revive my blog, starting now, in the last week of 2010.

Merry Christmas!

Board or Screen?

2010-08-21T02:46:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that a lot of my recent posts have had a financial theme, so I will postpone one thought in my head until a future day and talk about something else instead.

For many years, I have enjoyed playing games. It started in my childhood (obviously) with games like Perfection, Twister (my Dad's friend showing me the rude noise the box made as you closed it is a fond memory) and Ker-Plunk. I graduated as I got older to be a very competitive Monopoly player (competitive as in I wanted to win, not that I often did). As a family, weplayed certain games a lot. Yahtzee was one such game, which we played until several scorepads had been expired. Yahtzee was quick to set up and quick to play, and also highly addictive.

Card games were popular, especially Rummy and Canasta (Rummy on speed). A few years ago, a German friend of ours taught us 'Golf', which we have gone on to teach every foreign student since, and it must be all over Switzerland by now).

In recent years, the universal joy of UNO has dominated the horizon, amongst many of my friends it is wonderfully enjoyed and I have spent several nights until the small hours cursing the silent 7 rule and arguing whether +4s can go on +2s.

It strikes me as interesting that the games most often played now are those which are quick to set up and play in a few minutes - a sign of the times perhaps? Ker-plunk, with its fiddly stick insertion antics is gathering dust somewhere in the loft...

Anyway, recently, I have discovered a new joy. My Ipod Touch has numerous 'apps' to download, and most of the time I download...games. So when I have no friends to play with, I can play.... UNO, Yahtzee, Backgammon, Pass the Pigs, Mastermind, Othello, Air Hockey, Worms etc by myself.

In my recent Summer Holiday, I have had much more time on my hands than usual, and many tedious bus journeys have been greatly improved by destroying a CPU opponent at one of the afformentioned games.

One of the great attractions I have come to realise is that with a screen based version, there is so little effort involved. I don't have to set up, deal out cards, open a box, and when the game is finished, another is instantly set up for me. This awakes a naural laziness in me that frankly doesn't need any encouragement.

It slightly disturbs me though that what used to be a shared social interaction can now be a solitary occupation. Yes, the techies will argue that 'peer to peer' games allow people to play against each other, but having played Backgammon in this way, I would argue that it doesn't completely.

Again, a sign of the times perhaps, but I hope we (and I) don't abandon completely the social interaction that can be enjoyed playing board games with fellow human beings.

Toy Story 3

2010-08-19T05:49:00.000-07:00

Just a quick mini-post before the main feature. Ironically, a bit like the film which is the topic of this post, which has a mini short film before the main film, but anway, I went to see Toy Story 3 last night.

I went because I have enjoyed the first two films (though curiously, they have never been DVD purchases of mine, with that "oooh I'd watch that again and again" factor). I also wanted to see it because so many people said it was a) funny b) moving.

Now forgive the cynic in me, but sequels are a hard thing to pull off. Shrek has never matched its first film, and even when the second film is better than the first (hello Spiderman), the third somehow messes things up.

Having some idea of the plot gleaned from thr Trailer (Andy is off to College, Toys get donated to a seemingly idyllic daycare centre, but it all goes wrong, and they find out Andy wants them back and set off on a journey to do so.

This is essentially the plot, but it is SO much more complicated than that, with loyalties divided and twists and turns everywhere. The ending which I feared would be too mawkish was in fact incredibly moving, (and in a well-deserved dent to my pride, not exactly what I predicted it would be).

The animation is almost taken for granted, but is obviously top notch, the attention to detail is incredible and the range of new characters introduced is incredible. The script is hilarious, the visual gags keep coming, and there are one or two things that I think would genuinely scare a small child.

But more than anything else, this is an absolutely fantastic story. That is why we go to the cinema essentially, isn't it? To be told an exciting story. Yes it's 3D, isn't it wonderful, it's beautiful, but a film can be beautiful and have some good jokes, but if there isn't a story to tell, ultimately it will be unfulfulling (Hello Shrek the Third).

TS3 kept me on the edge of my seat. kept me laughing, crying and smiling, and I was told a wonderful story as well. I recommend you go and see it immediately if you haven't already done so.

This 'mini-post' has somewhat grown. I guess I have a lot to learn from the geniuses at Pixar about keeping things the right length! I'll blog again a bit later. Toodle pip.

Funding our culture

2010-08-14T12:06:00.000-07:00

I have been enjoying the annual 6 week holiday that my profession allows (well 5 and a half including considerable preparation time), but I digress into defending my holidays which is not my intention. During my holiday I have taken time to visit a number of places of interest, in my home town, in the countryside surrounding it and in London. Today I visited London for the third time in my holiday and was left pondering the topic of funding our cultural heritage.

I was mainly considering two alternative means of fundraising, both of which have led to the establishment or restoration of some wonderful attractions, but one of them sits with some unease in my conscience.

1. National Trust - a wonderful organisation which I ashamedly say I have been a member of for one year of my adult life, about 4 years ago. I will buy membership soon. Today I visited Sutton House in Hackney, and although I paid the very small fee of £2.90, I realise I should be helping to fund the wonderful work this organisation does.

It is not only what they do, it is sometimes what they prevent. A few years ago, when building the Brighton bypass, they reached Southwick Hill and proposed to cut through the middle of this fine example of nature, but the NT stood up and said "NO" and they had to tunnel. I could go on...

2. Heritage Lottery Fund. I am a long time hater of the National Lottery. It exists outside my consciousness for the most part, except for that brief reminder of the number from all 23 draws that evening just before the start of Match of the Day. A friend of mine once (rather unkindly but not entirely without accuracy) said the lottery was "a tax on the stupid." I prefer to say it is largely a tax on the poor. I do not wish to associate poverty with stupidity, far from it, which is why I tend to distance myself from the former comment.

Perhaps Jarvis Cocker sums it up best (perhaps leaning slightly to my friend's point of view):

Check your lucky numbers.
That much money could drag you under.
Oh, what's the point of being rich?
If you can't think what to do with it?
'Cos your so bleedin' thick?

(Pulp, Mis-shapes, from the album 'Different Class')

Anyway, my hatred of the lottery aside, I must confess before I go on that I did once buy a lottery ticket using the numbers I found on a slip of paper inside a 'bath bomb'. Random, and shameful. I matched no numbers.

I most detest the lottery because it takes from the poor, sells them an impossible dream and lines the pockets of fatcats. And quite often, large amounts of money in the hands of people not counselled in handling it, ruins lives, divides families and arouses envy, jealousy and resentment.

Having said that, the Heritage Lottery Fund has funded many projects I hold personally dear, including the building of a caving complex in our local Scout camp site, and many local and national museums and buildings. In this way, people are paying to help many positive projects off the ground, and society is benefitting.

But does this benefit outweigh the negatives? The fatcats take a large chunk, and those they fool are always left disappointed, either by not winning, or by the lack of satisfaction that winning ultimately provides. It is a tricky question that I haven't completely resolved in my own mind yet. There must be a better way.

Luke 12 v 16-21

2009-05-31T09:15:00.000-07:00

I have been enjoying the wonders of half term this week, and have been preparing for school, and the other day I had to sort a BIG PILE of paper which had gradually accumulated in a variety of places. So I sought some entertainment during this time, and so watched Deal or No Deal, a good natured study of the effects of greed on everyday people.

When that finished, I sought alternative entertainment and came across a programme called 'DIVIDED' on ITV presented by former Tennis star Andrew Castle. The premise seemed simple enough, 3 strangers work together to answer simple questions that get progressively harder.

Let me explain the contestants.

1) Youngish woman, quite ambitious but intelligent too.

2) Middle aged woman, a little bit non-commital, not too sure, happy to follow others.

3) Middle aged man. Very annoying, shouts over people and always 'knows the answer'.

I will refer to them by number from now on.

The rules were: Each round had a set amount and they had 100m seconds to agree on an answer, during which time the amount they won trickled slowly down. If they answered wrongly, their amount was halved. 3 wrong answers=game over.

After each round they had to agree unanimously whether to carry on or 'bank' (Anne Robinson's lawyers be alerted) what they had won. After round three, annoying bloke 3) wanted out, but the other two, having only lost one life, wanted to carry on. He was furious about carrying on, but slightly less annoyed when they cleared round 4 and 5 and ended up with winnings of £115,000 to be shared equally.

Or so I thought.

No, the clever twist to this game was that they assigned 3 vastly differing amounts of money and each had to agree what they each would take.
I think the money was roughly split £69,000, 34,000, 11,000 or something similar. Each person had 15 seconds to declare what they wanted and why they deserved it.

Unsurprisingly, they all wanted the largest figure. I say unsurprisingly, but I actually thought that annoying twit 3) might say 'well yes I wanted out at £48,000, so you take the most, but no he insisted he had been the best player and deserved the money.

So what followed was... you guessed it... 100 seconds to decide allocation of funds during which time the money they had so brilliantly earned was whittered down.

Such a display of greed, pride and human desperation I haven't seen for a long time. A full blown shouting match, with annoying bloke 3) eventually pleading. In the end, worthy winner 1) said 'I'll take the smallest amount as long as he (3) doesn't get the most.

However, by the time they had agreed this (over a minute it took them), the combined winnings had gone from £115,000 to about £28,000.

I would have said: Let's all keep in touch and write cheques to each other making sure we all get the same eventually' and quickly agreed whatever to keep the money high, but maybe this isn't allowed, or they are just plain dumb.

The whole thing deflated the whole point of the show, seeing all their hard work destroyed by their personal greed. It reminded me of this story Jesus told:

The land of a rich man produced plentifully and he thought to himself, 'What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?'

And he said, 'I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.'

But God said to him, 'Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?'

So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich towards God.

Job!

2009-05-21T14:21:00.000-07:00

Today I was offered a permanent job in my current school starting in September! I am a very happy bunny!

Yuk!

2009-05-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

Builder's Breakfast? Really?

Proof that the people of this country have absolutely no taste.

Ticket check pondering....

2009-03-24T15:18:00.000-07:00

How do ticket staff on trains know which customers are new to the train and so therefore haven't had their tickets checked?

Do they have special contact lenses which make people appear in different colours according to their ticket checking status?

Do they notice some form of subconscious behaviour or body language in those who haven't had the opportunity to flash the orange and yellow striped wonder?

Do they just have a very strong photographic memory?

Or do they just rely on good natured, honest commuters freely getting out their tickets when they call 'aaaannnnyy unchecked tickets please'...

Maybe the last reason is true because the commuters think one of the other reasons is true. Hmmm...

Heads, Shoulders, Knees and.... BANG!

2009-03-08T07:21:00.001-07:00

I have just returned from my first ever school residential trip. After dozens of similar experiences in Scouting, this was unusual as it involved 31 little people I know in a more formal way from 8.50 to 3.25 every day. So in many ways, I have a deeper relationship with them, knowing them as learners and spending most of my time with them.

My class are a wonderfully behaved class, and there were no problems. There were, however, some highly amusing moments. We had two P.E. student teachers assisting us with the trip, and the moment one of them received a cross in the area in Thursday's pre-breakfast early morning game of footie, only to slip and fall on their buttocks was darn funny. He was a Spurs fan so it was doubly so.

The children undertook raft building from materials including planks of wood, rope and large empty plastic water containers. I oversaw two different groups doing it, and out of the 4 rafts built, one actually managed to stay together. The first session's two rafts though collapsed upon impact with the water, leaving the captains of such unseaworthy vessel to complete the relay race by swimming and dragging 9 large barrels through the pool.

Unfortunately, the school's photo policy forbids me uploading any school photos on the web, so you'll have to use your imagination.

Low ropes was widely agreed to be one of the most fun activities, with the 'squeeze check' (a safety procedure to check Karibenas were locked properly) providing a few giggles from staff. The first session was hampered by a brief and bizarre burst of soft hail that arrived without the usual noise, but was sufficient to make the equipment mildly more hazardous and meant the zip wire couldn't be used. Fortunately, I returned to this activity with another group the following evening and despite the dark, it was even more fun, and I got to ride the zip wire.

Twice.

Confessional time - I have given up chocolate for Lent but alas I succumed on three occasions - chocolate flapjack, pain au chocolat and a massive great big chocolate cake a Teaching Assistant made which was brought up as a 'treat' by the headteacher. I'm back on track now though and haven't touched chocolate since the breakfast pain au chocolat on Friday morning. Yum.

The highlight of my trip, however, was my debut at the wonderful sport of skiing. The fact that a few of my class admitted to having done "6 or 7" week long skiing trips in their 10 short years on this earth gives you some idea of the affluence of my charges' families. Anyway, the first session on Thursday was ok, the instructor was very attractive, and I think this managed to get me through the pain of large ski boots squeezing all the life out of my poor unsuspecting feet. The first session was with a bunch of beginners like myself, and we laboriously walked sideways up a hill to amble gently down, and in some cases crash spectacularly.

One child actually managed to jump out of his skis when attempting his first 'jump'. He jumped forward not straight up, and flew head first towards the cactus-like surface. He bounced though, and was laughing, so that was ok.

Another child, when attempting to sing 'heads shoulders knees and toes' on his descent showed his anatomical knowledge to be sadly lacking, and did it all in the wrong order, leading to a succession of jokes about getting the body parts in the wrong order, led by me of course. When child pointed to their backside and said 'mouth', I couldn't stop the words "Really? No wonder your breath smells so bad!" slipping out, and I instantly regretted it as one of my brighter charges fell about laughing, and then proceeded to explain to everyone what I had said. Oh dear.

On the subject of backsides, one of my girls referred to it as her 'derrierre' (sic) which I found very funny, and when another child asked what on earth she was talking about, she said (in the plummiest voice you can imagine x 3000) 'My bottom'. I was in stitches.

And finally, the moment I share with you my biggest embarrassment of the trip. Well, during my second skiing lesson, with a much more able group, I decided to ski down from a short distance up, but could not prevent a decidedly left bias to my directional movement. No matter what I did, I could not alter my course which ended with a rather spectacular collision with the session instructor, knocking her clean off her skis.

I kid you not. See you at Easter!

Innocence and guesswork

2009-01-09T13:58:00.000-08:00

This week I had to give my class a reading and spelling age test.

The reading test involves 86 sentences, each with a word missing and 5 possible alternatives.

Now this starts very easy and gets progressively more difficult.

For example:
Question 1: She could _______ him with the computer.

Make help jump water ship.

Question 85: Fortunately, her regular _________, which were an essential part of the covert operation, had not been detected.

assignations, adieus, infatuations, coagulations, mastications

N.B. This is a test for 9-10 year olds!!

Anyway, I decided to use the commute home to complete some marking, and one or two ‘wrong’ guesses from some of my pupils made me laugh out loud.

A few examples of the combination of childhood ignorance and innocence and slightly unfortunate guesswork: (I have included correct answers in brackets).

In a park, children play on sweets (swings)

When you stand in the sunshine, you can often see your oblong on the ground. (Shadow).

We sometimes dream when we are away. […with the fairies…???] (asleep)

They spilt the milk and had to wipe the roof. (floor)

The hottest season of the year is holiday! (Summer)

The drum is one of the oldest mathematical instruments. (musical)

The farmer destroyed her fields into 8 equal parts. (divided).

A clarinet is a musical experiment. (instrument)

Switzerland is a momentous country. (Mountainous).

The boy observed his opposition in the shop window. (Reflection).
Dolphins are said to be inescapable creatures. (intelligent).

There were plans for the assassination of the children of London at the outbreak of war. (evacuation)

The rebels wanted to overthrow the government by starting a redemption. (revolution).

The doctor made a correct ambulance. (diagnosis).

The elephants regularly renovated themselves with water (doused).

It was common before Victorian times for drinking water to be purified by domestic waste and industrial effluence. (contaminated).

Christmas Haikus and other nonsense.

2008-12-31T04:20:00.000-08:00

In planning my new term, I have decided in the first week to get my class to write Haikus based on their Christmas holidays. A Haiku is a 3 line poem containing 17 syllables. The line/syllable distribution is a rather wonderfully palendromic 5/7/5. Here is an example I wrote exactly a week ago, on Christmas Eve:

Christmas Eve is here
Tomorrow we open gifts
I simply can't wait.

And here is a Haiku which explores more of the true meaning of this marvellous festival we have just enjoyed:

Jesus came to Earth
Laid in a humble manger
Died to save the world.

My blogging slow down has been due to two main factors:

1) Mountains of planning and preparation for the new term which is at present, 5 days away... yikes!

2) A Nintendo DS which Santa kindly left 'neath the tree for me. I have been training my brain, blowing up rival worms and playing lots of little card and board games against Mr 'CPU' whoever that is? Charles Patrick Utworthy? Cecil Peter Ullington?

Happy New Year to all, see you in 2009!

Homeschooling - an interesting debate

2008-12-22T13:55:00.001-08:00

Through aimlessly wandering on facebook as a way of avoiding the tedium of medium term lesson planning, I came across this link. I have transcribed it below.

I can't tell if it is serious or a joke, the reasons seem to be a mix.

http://www.scrappleface.com/?p=23

It is an interesting debate, with many friends and families in my church opting to do this. I think my ultimate 'stand' on the subject is that if you choose to do it, that's ok, but don't preach it to others or put others under pressure to do the same.+ Ultimately, I think school is the better option (but as a teacher I recognise that impartiality is not something I can claim).

Anyway, enjoy...

(2002-08-26) — In an effort to increase the public drumbeat for criminalizing homeschooling, California Deputy Superintendent Joanne Mendoza has distributed a memo containing the top 10 reasons why public* schooling is better than homeschooling.

Here is an excerpt from that memo:Why Public* Schooling Is Better Than Homeschooling

Most parents were educated in the underfunded public school system, and so are not smart enough to homeschool their own children.

Children who receive one-on-one homeschooling will learn more than others, giving them an unfair advantage in the marketplace. This is undemocratic.

How can children learn to defend themselves unless they have to fight off bullies on a daily basis?

Ridicule from other children is important to the socialization process.

Children in public* schools can get more practice “Just Saying No” to drugs, cigarettes and alcohol.

Fluorescent lighting may have significant health benefits.

Publicly asking permission to go to the bathroom teaches young people their place in society.

The fashion industry depends upon the peer pressure that only public schools can generate.

Public* schools foster cultural literacy, passing on important traditions like the singing of “Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg…”

Homeschooled children may not learn important office career skills, like how to sit still for six hours straight.

* For English readers: This article is American. Public School means the same as 'state' school in England. For once, the American definition makes more sense. In England 'Public School' is the same as 'Private School'. What is that about?

+ For those who feel this blog post promotes school education in a way in which I previously said that homeschoolers shouldn't, I apologise.

..by the skin of my knuckles (aka yet another rant about public transport)

2008-12-19T10:21:00.000-08:00

It was the duck's fault.

More specifically, a red duck made of thin bauble-like glass which had decided to break free from it's sellotape shackles below the picture frame.

In my actions of clearing up the broken glass to prevent unaware toes from unexpected pain, I made myself a little later for leaving than I would have liked, but still to stand across the road and see a 49 minutes past sail away at 47 minutes past was annoying.

More annoying, however, was the almost 25 minute wait at the nearby bus stop for a different bus, missing 2 buses out (and then of course 3 came at once oh yes). So it was 6.12. My train to Eastbourne (to get to a dinner with new employment on time) was at 6.32. How was I going to do this?

Much muttering and moaning under my breath later (at people's dithering when getting on and off), the bus did manage to get to st Peter's Church by 6.25 somehow.

I ran up Trafalgar Street, not caring what I looked like, and arrived at the station at 6.27 (either I ran darn quick or our timepieces are not entirely aligned).

For complicated and boring financial reasons, I could not pay by card. I only had a £20 note to buy a ticket with. Those waiting for an amusing description of a £20 note being inserted 48 different ways without success, will be disappointed as it accepted it first time, but it did have no excuse, however, for giving me £12.10 change in 12 x £1 and 1 x 10p coins. Still rushing madly, desperate to catch the train, while retrieving all of my change, I scraped my hand several times on the flappy thing on the change/ticket collection point. As I burst through the barrier and reached my train, I noticed a thin trickle of blood working its way down the back of my right hand.

Still puffing and panting, I fell onto the train, a mess of quite literally blood, sweat and tears.

Scolar ha ha ha ri!

2008-12-15T08:40:00.000-08:00

Metro's back page was simply hilarious today: Big Phil talking about suffering from Kidney Stones:

"I am in a lot of pain". Scolari said. "They say it is more pain than when you have a baby but I don't know as I have not had one. It is not possible."

Bet that was devastating news; finding out he couldn't have a baby...

Perspective...

2008-12-13T03:34:00.000-08:00

3 status updates that greeted me on Facebook this morning. Made me think about the different ways people approach Saturday mornings. I have starred out the first two names for privacy reasons.

***** ****** not sure 3 days is long enough to get over a hangover1.5 seconds ago
- Comment

***** ******** is feeling sick, has a horrible headache and is meh.about a minute ago
- Comment

Write a comment...

Tom Blanckensee has been made righteous by the Holy God who alone is righteous.4 minutes ago

Yet another farewell...

2008-12-12T09:46:00.000-08:00

I finished work at Olivet today, and it was very emotional as I said goodbye to students, some of whom I have been teaching for the past 11 weeks. Although I have an exciting (and scary) new job, I will miss this time. This Autumn has been a brilliant time.

As part of the afternoon Christmas Party, students of different nationalities shared with everyone how to say 'Merry Christmas' in their language.

German - Frohe Weihnachten!

French - Joyeux Noel!

Italian - Natale allegro!

and my personal favourite...

Japanese - Melly Chlistmas!

Very Amusing Turmoil...

2008-12-08T11:53:00.000-08:00

I was in Eastbourne today after gaining an idea of how feasible bussing it to work will be after Christmas - early signs discouraging, but anyway.... I found myself walking past Primark, and as I spent 4 years working there part time while studying, I always find a natural curiousity about other branches.

On first impressions, it looked the same - gondolas (I know they are boats in Venice - don't start me) full of messed up clothes, the same wheelie tables with a pile of rubbish on the little tray underneath, (50% staff junk and 50% litter cheekily dumped by the public). The look of boredom and hopelessness on the face of a jumper refolder-er as she realises it is 1 step forward and 5 steps back...

... but wait... something incredibly surprising and unusual is evident...

Let me explain. You know the deal with "....99p?" You know, where £1.99 sounds cheaper than £2.o0. Well it works, even when you know what they're doing.

Well Primark have never bothered with this, seeing as the stuff is dirt cheap anyway.

Let's be open, honest. It's 2 quid! Wow.

The real reason they do this? No faffing around with coppers, giving pennies in change. Transactions move quicker, customers through quicker, more money made, faster queues and happier customers. Also means no complex maths skills needed...

But alas this system has been ripped apart by Mr Brown's VAT antics as there are lots of individual signs displayed around the store for £4.76 £1.96 etc etc

(Prices loosely based on author's memory and intended only to make the point).

Made me chuckle anyway...

Walking the dog

2008-12-03T09:17:00.000-08:00

Every lamp post?

Really?

Sleeping buddies

2008-12-02T14:26:00.000-08:00

For the last few nights, I have found an increasing number of random things in my bed, probably a result of sorting out lots of rubbish in my room.

Last night I found (in no particular order): a sandwich box, my bible, a conker and a Comic Relief 'Tomato' Car Nose from whatever early 90s year that was.

I left them there; they weren't doing me any harm huddled in the corner. There's room in a double bed for all of us.

Faithful

2008-11-28T11:25:00.000-08:00

God is so faithful.

That's all.

Well, I had better explain.

3 and a half years ago, after an enjoyable but difficult first few months in teaching, I left my job, hoping God would direct me. That he did, and I loved being a supply teacher, but he took me up a few blind alleys on the way. I know these alleys had a purpose, and I have had the wonderful luxury of not working every day, allowing me to run a Cub Pack for the last 3 years, and be very involved with Children's work at church too.

I felt God saying stick with teaching. When I decided to quit after a horrible day early on in my supply tenure, Phatfish' song 'Stepping Out' played next on my stereo.

'We're on a journey of faith, sometimes the way ahead is clear, some times it's clouded, but promises are spoken'.

Your path ahead is mapped out. Will you choose to trust him, or choose to not, are you ready to believe?

He knows you, He made you, He loves you and knows what's best.

I could go on. God has been so faithful, even when 'dream' jobs didn't happen, even when interviews went sour. But I can say today, He has led me to this point. A new job in Eastbourne starting in January. People I have had to go to and say 'You know that thing I help you with / run every week? I can't do that for the next 7 months at least, and they have said 'Fine'.

God makes all paths straight.

The next challenge lies ahead. A very nice school, bright pupils. It's gonna be a slog. But hey! God is faithful!!!

Exactly what it says on the tin.

2008-11-26T14:50:00.000-08:00

"All known metal bands" the predictably black cover pronounced. I see that Waterstones have kindly provided a handwritten staff review below, you know, to just show that they are not just a faceless corporate chain, oh no, they allow staff opinions to be aired. This opinion really augmented what I felt might be a slightly narrow focus to this publication. In scrawled student-y writing on a small card below it said:

'The names of all known metal bands!!"

The !! seemed a slight attempt at a knowing look in some form of irony.

I opened the book, and indeed, it was simply a list of all the metal bands that 'Dan Nelson' was aware of in 2007.

Each black page inscripted with long lists of names in tiny silver print, making it almost impossible to read.

I want to meet the person who would buy that. Then again, maybe I don't.

A visit to the Library

2008-10-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

I visited the Library the other day,
The smart newly built Library in town.
Magnificent building all made of glass,
But inside the shelves look tatty;
Like they’re temporary; waiting for new shelves,
But I don’t think they are.
There are computers everywhere.
Some to work on,
Some to tell you stuff like how many books you have,
When to bring them back,
And – in my case, how much your fines come to.

Sometimes they let you off the fines.
If no-one else is waiting for the book
Or it doesn’t come to very much.
Last year I forgot a book
Left it under my bed
And I got a big fine.
Won’t do that again.

I find the computer that helps me find the book I want.
It isn’t very helpful.
Ah – Three Copies in
None reserved.
Excellent.
Go to shelf – nowhere in sight.
All the books are out of order, so I end up checking every one.
Twice.

Surely there’s no way that three people took the same book out in the time it took me to get from the computer to the shelf?

Hmmm.

Another visit to the computer
And I notice a ‘More info’ button
Which tells me exactly where the three books have got to.

One is out?
But, none reserved!
Oh reserved. Silly me.
So some one has it, but no one is waiting for it.
Ok.

And the other two?
Miles away in other Libraries the other side of town.
What’s the point in telling me what other Libraries have?
I want to know what I can get here.

One of the Libraries isn’t too far,
And I can get there on one bus,
So I decide to go.

First of all, I need to take out 2 other books I have.

You don’t need to speak to anyone,
It’s amazing.
No wonder people don’t talk to each other nowadays.
All computers’ fault.
I put my books neatly together
On the shelf in front of the screen
And swipe my card.

This is where the fun begins.

Forwards,
Backwards,
Upside down forwards,
Upside down backwards.
S l o w l y
Quickly

I must look a right idiot,
I’m glad there’s no one behind me.
They’d be tapping their feet,
Making impatient noises by now.
After the computer gives up on me twice
Because it thinks there is no one there
It works.
Suddenly.
And the full details of the books
Appear on the screen.
Magic.
Can someone please explain how they do that?
‘Magnets and lasers and stuff’
One of my friends explained vaguely
When I expressed this amazement to them.

I get on the bus and go to the other Library.
Despite being refurbished
This Library still has that proper Library smell
Like old schools
Where Stern divorced female teachers in their fifties
With a chip on their shoulder
(Probably about ‘men’)
Look over their glasses and
Bark at children all day long.

I find the book
Eventually.
Here they have better card scanners
Like in shops
Where you pass the card underneath.
One second
Beep
Done
They should get those at the other Library.

"Penny for the Guy"

2008-10-15T07:28:00.001-07:00

This was the cry from the scruffy little urchins outside Videostar Video Shop, Queen's Park Road. Their attempt at a"guy" was pathetic compared to the guys I have made with proper clothes and newspaper and effort. I'm sorry, but a bin liner with a balloon stuck on the top makes for a pretty anorexic and pathetic-looking Guy. Maybe he was on hunger strike, I don't know.

Anyway, I ignored them as usual and entered the shop. As I walked to the door, an idea struck me. I looked through my change, and there was one shining with the gleam of possibility.

"Penny for the Guy" they repeated as I left the shop.

So I gave them one. Their immediate surprise and excitement was immediately followed by the inevitable groan of disappointment.

Why were they complaining? I wondered to myself. After all, I gave them exactly what they asked for.

Japanese banking crisis

2008-10-07T08:59:00.000-07:00

Alas, not my own work, but still worth sharing...

BANK PROBLEMS IN JAPAN

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut back the number of branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale, and will likely go for a song, while today, shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank, where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

2008-09-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

Tabloid Masquerade

2008-09-29T12:38:00.000-07:00

Frown Daily

Scream Daily

Be brain-washed Daily

Feel Apathy Daily

Pre-judge Daily

Dictate Daily

Withdraw Daily

Have Nightmares Daily

Encourage Ignorance Daily

Feel nothing Daily

Make ill-informed judgements Daily

Voice sympathy for facism Daily

Support the BNP Daily

Suspend rational thought Daily

Shock Yourself Daily

Victory!

2008-09-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

Conker competition co-organised by my good self went very well yesterday.

Oh yeah and WE WON!!!

Considering two of our team didn't know how to play until about 3 hours before the tournament, it was pretty incredible!

6th Brighton, the Brighton District Cubs Conker Champions 2oo8!

Poor vs Rich. Poor wins!

2008-09-24T14:40:00.000-07:00

Brighton 2-2 Man City (5-3 pens)

Manchester City suffered an embarrassing Carling Cup exit after being beaten on penalties by Brighton.

Enough said! What a night! No result this season will top this one!

The richest club in the world beaten deservedly by one of the poorest. Capitalism is the way of the foolish man!

Tribute: There is nothing worse than...

2008-09-24T10:58:00.000-07:00

For one night only... a tribute to another blog.

Yesterday I left you with the false impression that 'I have nothing going on'. This is never true for me, I should have made the slight alteration of adding 'of interest' in between 'nothing' and 'going on'.

Today I went and taught deaf teenagers. Aha I thought! This will produce enough fodder for a mighty fine blog, with many amusing anecdotes (mocking me more than anything else).

Actually the day was rather bland and dull, being left with about an hours worth of work for 5 hours was a little stressful, but with some impromptu role-play I just about fleshed it out. Actually two of the students also had a limited command of the English language too, so it was like two of my worlds rolled into one... Luckily one other student was easily understandable so a lot went through him.

Anyway, I am distracted. My journey there was eventful only as my keen desire not to overshoot the bus stop led to me undershooting it by two stops. Two stops very far apart.

So the No52 bus which I ruled out catching as 'it gets me there at 8.55 which is 25 minutes later than i need to' merrily drove past me as I approached shortly before my rather confused friend Sarah drove the other way fresh from dropping her child at school. I arrived, slightly damp from spitty rain, at 9am.

The way home was even more eventful. My thought processes as I approached my bus stop on thr coast road after already walking 15 minutes:

"Oh there's a police car by my stop. I wonder what it is doing?"

Upon closer inspection as I drew nearer...

"Oh, that police car is blocking the road so my bus can't get through. I wonder why. How am I going to get home?"

Upon speaking to nice friendly policeman:

"Ok, I'm walking back to Brighton then".

10 minutes later, the reason for my unscheduled bout of exercise and sea air... a rather mangled sports car/bus combination. Let's pray there were no fatalities.

Eventually, I reached Brighton (1 hour later) and caught my bus from the old steine. Thoroughly tired, at the end of my bus journey I descended the stairs to find the bottom deck liberally coated with human vomit.

Nice touch.

Comment deleted

2008-09-23T14:30:00.001-07:00

Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
23 September 2008 04:57

Comment deleted
This post has been removed by the author.
23 September 2008 04:58

Why? This is frustrating. I want to know what this person said, on 2 rapidly successive occasions that they so instantly found inexplicably unpublishable?

The worst thing is, I don't know who it is! I have my suspicions (I have, to my knowledge only 2 readers, maybe 3), but naming them 'the author' awards them a status of anonymity I don't think they deserve.

As you might be able to tell, I haven't got a lot going on at the moment, but tomorrow I'm spending the day teaching deaf teenagers so I'm sure my life will take a more interesting turn very soon.

Conkered!

2008-09-18T14:37:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know the best way of stringing a conker?

I'm co-running a conker competition in 10 days time, and have to find and string a fair few of the blighters fairly soon. Suggestions welcome...

Writer's Blog

2008-09-17T08:03:00.000-07:00

I am unable to post today after reading the brilliance of the post dated Sunday 14th September on here

Prepositioned!

2008-09-15T06:54:00.001-07:00

Why is it so hard to explain prepositions in the English Language? My poor Turkish students (who have never heard of such a strange phenomena) really struggled...

"I have confidence about his ability?"
(No, that would be ...in his ability.)

"It wasn't an accident. He did it for purpose?"
(No, unfortunately ...on purpose.)

"Bill's absolutely terrified from spiders?"
(No, he's terrified of them).

etc etc

In better news. 5 bars of Dairy Milk for £1.00 in Messrs Frank Winfield Woolworth. Lovely stuff!

Fingers in your ears... 3...2...1..... er....

2008-09-13T03:37:00.000-07:00

The arrogance of scientists still astounds me. No, we aren't all going to be sucked into oblivion. Thankfully we do not have a driver who's asleep behind the wheel, and personally the whole thing stinks of Babel, (see Genesis 11) just as much as this gene meddling and modifying we're doing.

This week has been unspeakably busy, but a lot of fun. I have been teaching students English and some of the classes have been up for a laugh. We ate chocolate, pretended to make sandwiches, tried to lick our elbows and two students even did handstands.

Proper football returns today after 2 weeks dominated by reading mere headlines while greedy Setanta ruins all the fun. Anyway, football focus is on in a minute so hopefully I'll see the goals in something better than the grainy Croatian TV coverage available on YouTube.

See here for an extremely coherant rant on this topic

They're making life more difficult for those of us with only 4 channels (why do I need any more??)

Grrrr

2008-09-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

Setanta. Grrr. Not having National Team Highllights on a terrestrial station is immoral and goes against the values of Public service Broadcasting. Who's with me?

Happy Birthday Archippus

2008-09-08T11:29:00.000-07:00

Today is my cat's 12th Birthday. That is all.

Jolly Jobsworths...

2008-09-05T06:53:00.001-07:00

My daily commute to central Brighton and my temporary position of employ involves a rather enjoyable daily read of the METRO (sexual?) free newspaper. However, an annoying common theme seems to have emerged towards the end of the week. After yesterday's front page story about a 24 year old mother-of-two denied a smear test despite a clear family history of cancer, today's Metro contains no less than 4 counts of what I would call 'Jobsworth-ing':

1. 13 year old boy's cat goes missing. As any normal boy would do, he puts up 'missing' posters. Threatened with ASBO and an £80 fine.

2. Soldier on sick leave from Afghanistan forced to sleep in his car in Surrey after Hotel wouldn't give him a room as 'they don't accept military personnel'.

3.Mother rings M&S to complain about 7 year old son's Superman suit. Told to pass phone to said 7 year old so they can either speak to him or get his permission to speak to her. Something to do with the data protection act apparently.

4. Essex police told to remove sunglasses as they intimidate people.

Ok, the last one is a bit more tenuous and possibly understandable.

Favourite METRO headlines of the last few days...

Keegan resigns. No, really, he does.

Sex slur hits 'Pitbull'.

Drug addict elephant is let out of rehab.

Hello Doctor... I've not been well since I died.

New fears over confidence dip.

Jobcentre threw me out for feeding baby (and no I wasn't breastfeeding.)
(Sorry, this actually belongs in the jobsworth section)

Looney Toons

and last but not least...

Inflatable dentist to save our teeth.

It's a rich man's world...

2008-09-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

I have been pondering the rather ugly side of money this week as the football season gets into full swing, and the hideousness of the end of the 'transfer window' (a period of time in which players can be bought and sold between clubs), which ended on Monday at Midnight. Clubs holding out to get the most money, other clubs trying to pay as little as possible. And, despite being a passionate football fan, it still angers me that players can wait for a "better offer", when they earn something like £120,000 a week and want £140,000. Footballers aren't worth it, but unfortunately, this side of the game is here to stay.

And create an elite it has, with the "top 4" likely to stay there. (Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester United to put them in alphabetical order). However, Manchester City's recent move from one dodgy owner to another, sees them promise offers like £135m for players worth much MUCH less, just to become "the biggest club in the world". Money no object? Rather dull I think. Bit like stealing the bank in Monopoly. NO fun for anyone.

The events in Shropshire have just left me speechless, the apparent desperation of a man who fell foul to the love of wealth. Just an unthinkable event that you can't imagine being real.

I was listening to a Pulp song last night; and while its tone is a bit more unkind and angry than I would take, it makes a solid point:

Check your lucky numbers.
That much money could drag you under, oh.
What's the point of being rich?
If you can't think what to do with it?
'Cause your so bleedin' thick.

Oh we weren't supposed to be,
We learnt too much at school
Now we can't help but see
That the future that you've got mapped out
Is nothing much to shout about....

Cocker/Banks/Mackey/Senior/Doyle/Webber
(Taken from 'Mis-shapes' on 'Different Class', 1995 Island Recordings.

On a cheerier note, I saw Zoé Ball in Western Road the other day and was so distracted by her and the man singing show tunes badly into a tinny PA system, that I almost joined Amnesty International.

"It's the freakiest show"

2008-08-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

All recent attempts to reignite my once insatiable appetite for blogging have failed, but I am determined to make this one work.

Last night I ventured to a local drinking hole to celebrate (?) the departure of somebody I have considered a friend for the best part of 18 months. He's a very friendly and generous chap, and plus he has an amusing Northern Irish accent which causes him to say many things in an amusing and mockable way.

Anyway, upon arrival at the said establishment, I discovered to my horror that it was a 'karaoke night'.

Now I must explain. I am 27 years old and I have never undertaken Karaoke. Why? Because I'm a music snob. If I were to be invited to deposit some items into Room 101, I would obviously put marmite, celery, lager, Richard Madeley and Birmingham City Football Club straight in. However, I would also put in karaoke.

Let's consider this from a balanced perspective:

1)It's just a bit of fun. People enjoy it, the point is to sing badly, but it gives everyone who has no hope of performing in any context a chance to sing a song they like and amuse their friends and anyone else who happens to be in the room.

2) It is the lowest form of music, it promotes mediocrity, and is often accompanied by irresponsible drinking. Plus the selection of songs are so predictable and tasteless (13,000 Abba sings, no I didn't know there were that many either)... NO Divine Comedy. I would have expected a bit of National Express action as a token acknowledgement at least,

Anyway, in my pride, I have never undertaken karaoke, but last night I started to melt. I realised that my boycott of karaoke was doing nothing to halt its inevitable popularity, and in fact my participation may at least introduce a room full of people to something known in my voacbulary as a 'decent song'. If you can't beat 'em.... My pride had to be dealt with. I felt the increasing urge to 'have a go'.

So I did.

Even I was quite impressed how long I could sustain a fully tuneful 'MAAAARRRRS' at the end of the chorus, and my knowledge of the lyrics to the second verse proved useful when the words machine broke:

"It's on Amerika's (sic) tortured brow / Mickey Mouse has grown up a cow....

God bless Bowie....